Tuesday, 12 November 2019

dad's not so fun holiday



WALHT - add detail

Success Criteria
Self Assessment
I will describe using repetition for effect 
😀😀
I will describe how the character is feeling (emotion) by painting a picture in the reader's mind
😀😀


Dad’s not so fun holiday


Tears rolled down Jeff’s face as he glared out the window. he wanted  his dad, he hasn’t come home for five days, so Jeff had an idea so he went over to his mum’s bedroom door ‘knock knock’ ‘come in come in’ said Mum 
‘Can we go look for dad’ said Jeff
‘Sure’
They went over to there tiny little black golf cart and went to go look for his dad, then they sore a long trail of hair I suspected it was my dad cause he’s really hairy like Bigfoot so I had a feeling we should follow the hair so I told mum that we should try following the hair mum listened to me and we started following the hair trail. Then we came become upon a dumpsite we looked around for where the hair trail went so we had one more look at the dumpsite ‘I see it’ said mum
‘Where’ I said
It was leading to the dumpsite ‘Zoom’ A big blur stead past the entry, I was scared but I knew I dad was in there so I got out of the car and went to the dumpsite. ‘Where are you going Jeff’ said mum 
‘Gonna go look for dad’
‘I’ll stay here just in case I spot him from hear’
‘okay’
So Jeff went to the dump to look for there dad ‘swoosh’ I saw that giant hairy thing ‘Stop rite there’ said a booming voice that sounded like it was coming from the dumpster just up ahead.
‘Hello’ I said
‘Who are you’ said the booming voice
‘I’m Jeff who are you’ I said
‘I’m Stewart and what are you doing here’
‘We’re looking for my dad he’s gone missing also you can come out I won’t hurt you I promise’ 
So the Stewart took a big step out of the dumpster he looked like a giant pile of rubbish then he shook off all the junk off his body which formed a big pile of rubbish next to him. He turned out not to be very hairy actually he wasn’t hairy at all then I asked
‘Are you my dad’ hoping he would say yes
‘Well actually I think I am’ I was so relieved
He was actually my dad, but if he was my dad what was the giant bigfoot like creature
‘Bigfoot-like creature oh no do you mean Jimbob’
‘Who’s that’ I said
‘He’s the evilest and hairiest man to live you don’t want to bump into him also did you say you saw him at this dumpsite’
‘Yes I’m sure’ I said
‘Then we need to hide’
So Jeff and Stewart ran over to the secret underground base ‘bam bam bam’ ‘I think that’s him yup he’s right there’
‘WHAT WAS THAT SOUND’ he said 
Then he started throwing Stewart’s dumpsters all over the place 
‘Hey Stewart I’m recking all your dumpster’s and what you gonna do about’
‘Why are you just standing there you should try to stop him’ I said
‘I can’t defeat him by my own I need your help’
‘Okay I’ll try’

So jeff and Stewart sneak attacked, Jimbob and got him to the ground then the police came, thank-you Stewart you caught the most wanted and dangerous criminal well actually I couldn’t have done it without Jeff. THE END

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